Lord I need your help

words from my personal journal

I am sharing with you again words from my journal.
personal words that reflect my heart.
because these words are from my journal, there is no rules, grammatical rules, punctuation, sentence structure, or story outline..
just my words, my thoughts, my interpretations…

Before I start my devotional today
I am so filled with anger, anxiety, darkness, and bitterness
I find myself yelling and being mean to my family
I am overcome with hurtful emotions
I know I need to step away
I need to take sometime by myself and seek God’s help

I leave the dinner table and head to my room
Trying to be alone and undistracted as I call out to God and beg him to fix me

But of course my smallest follows me here
Insisting on being in my room with me
I allow it; I do not have the energy to fight right now
She climbs into bed with me
I tell her no talking, no playing, no interrupting me or she’s out!

Deep breath in
Exhale  s l o w l y

I close my eyes and fold my hands
I lay them folded on top of the soft orange suede bible on my lap

I feel a tap on my shoulder
“Mom … are you sleeping?”
No I whisper, “I’m praying”
Quietly she lies back down

1 peter 5:7 NCV

after pleading with Jesus to join me
to cover me with his grace and to give me his words to mediate on
I open my Jesus calling devotional

TRUST AND THANKFULNESS will get me through this day
First line I read
I am trusting that the Lord will carry me through today
Guiding my steps and actions,
Giving me his words to speak

The rest of the paragraph hit a home run..
If only I had read it in the morning

TRUST = no worrying or obsessing
Which I did lots today
Would I start to feel okay soon?
My headache is nagging me
The 3 littles did not want to nap today
I need to get dinner ready
I have blog posts to get written
Guest posts to email out
Bills to pay
And the list of worries goes on and on

THANKFULLNESS = not criticizing & complaining
Kids are not cleaning up, well enough
No one is listening to me
Where is all my help
I am too tired
I need my alone time
Nothing seems to be good enough

These “sister sins” entangled my life today causing me to become angry and mean

TRUSTING = keeping my eyes on Jesus
If I make the conscious effort to give everything to God and trust his plan : life will get easier
If I entrust my thoughts to God and make him the center of my life : I will not have time to focus on the negative
I will be so thankful for all the positive and negative things in my life

Colossians 2:6-7 NCV
 “As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so continue to live in him. 7 Keep your roots deep in him and have your lives built on him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful.”

If my life is truly built on Christ and I am ROOTED in him I can have his peace. I will be thankful more and angry less

Psalm 141:8 (NCV)
“God, I look to you for help.
I trust in you, Lord. Don’t let me die.”

Again a sign from God; that he is here with me.
My exact prayer is in today’s devotion
I am looking to you Lord for help
Thank you father for always hearing me

1 peter 5:7 NCV
“Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you.”

I will Lord; I will give them all over to you.
Thank you Father for meeting me here today.
Thank you for this peace, and comfort you have laid upon me. Amen

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About Chrissy@thePEARLblog

Sinner turned saint. Lover of Jesus. DIY crafter. Mom of 3. Blogger. Friend. married to her high school sweetheart. I blogs to share about the things I love. My hope is that my love for crafting, Jesus, family, and food will inspire you to try something new. If you enjoy what you read, don’t forget to subscribe to my blog!

Comments

  1. praying for you! that even on the hard days you feel the Lord moving.
    Courtney recently posted..tis the seasonMy Profile

  2. I’ve been in the exact same boat many times. Thank you for sharing. I love the way God can turn our ugliness to beauty and grace…hard lessons. Great words of truth!
    Kristen Hamilton recently posted..Ephesians Chapter 6 :: The ArmorMy Profile

  3. Oh this was exactly me a few nights ago. I can completely relate. Thank you for sharing. I am bookmarking your post for the days I want to join the circus .

  4. praying for you friend. lots of love!

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