Friday Coffee Date …

Hello there friends…
I am so glad you came back today.
I know I have missed our coffee dates.
I am never really sure what posts people read and what ones they just skip over.
I was so humbles when two friends from high school mentioned missing my Coffee dates posts.
I appreciate that Missy and Shelly thank you!

Let’s pray.
Lord I come before you today with a heavy heart. I have not being being the obedient child that I would like/should be. I have been putting my own needs before you and I am hurting because of it. I am missing out on the blessings you have for me by being so selfish. Father please help me and my friends focus our days on you. Keeping our eyes on you so that our paths may be straight. Lord, I thank you for the friends and family you have given me. thank you for their support, love, honesty and accountability. I would be lost on this world without them. Lord you are such a  gracious and merciful father and I am in awe of your love for me. Even with my many sins and short comings. Please be with us as we chat today. Bless each of our days. protect us from Satan’s deceitful ways. We love you Father. Amen.

Friend if you were here with me today I would first hug you.
I would tell you that you look great
because even in yoga pants and t shirt you look beautiful!

 

Next I would ask you what you wanted to drink. I would tell you that you would need a large cup because I have a lot of talking to do while you listen! HA

let’s start with the raw…
No I did not eat raw food..
I mean me in the raw… minds out of the gutter people.
me raw = sharing the ugly that i hide behind my computer screen.

I have been struggling lately with insecurities.
about my looks, my faith, my education, my life.
This is by no means a pity party over hear, please do not think that.

I have just been feeling, well not good enough.
I have been struggling with my weight for the last year. 
when I got sick last August I lost 25lbs. 
my clothes fit better, some too big but my old ones fit great. no muffin top or need for spanks
I was sick so i can not say that I felt good
but i knew this is where my body should be.
as i started to get better I was able to eat again.
at first only carbs, then proteins got added and then sweets. oh the sweets.
because of my crohns fruit and veggies made me very sick.
Free pass to eat like crap right…wrong.
It all caught up with me. I gained the weight back plus.
No i am not obese unless you consult my mii on the wii fit.
but what does she know!

I am addicted to sugar, salt and carbs. I did a sugar fast a few weeks back and felt amazing.
I could tell right away that I felt better. but after the designated time i decided to introduce sugar again and then well we all know how that goes..
just tonight i made myself a single serve chocolate chip cookie…

 

and it was that good..
recipe here…
okay back to the point.
I am not relying on God to give my the strength to fight this vicious cycle.  

my insecurities about my education and faith are what have me in an anxious knot the last few weeks.

I have mentioned on here before that I lead/facilitate a small woman’s Bible study.
originally I co-led this group of amazing woman but now am flying solo.
This is way out of my comfort zone but i knew the Lord was calling me to do this.
The first few weeks were great. I studied, prepped, and felt confident in what we were discussing.
Then i felt we needed to dig deeper, have more homework and be more challenged.
I again felt this is the path the Lord was taking us down.
The Lord again provided knowledge, wisdom, study time and the next few session went great.
But of course when Satan sees things working for God’s Glory he has to throw a wrench in it.
I started to feel like we were not digging deep enough, I felt like I was not helping these ladies grow in knowledge of the Bible, that I was may not be able to answer their questions, or that they felt it did not apply to them, and so on.
 I powered through another week and after a few days felt it went okay.
Then it was time for this weeks Bible study.
I had not prepared like in weeks past, I did not have my verse memorized, and I felt incapable of answering the questions I provided for them.
A million things ran through my head:

  • would they think i knew what I was talking about, did i even know what I was talking about?
  • were my answers to juvenile?
  • did i even have an answer?

Then it started, the tiredness, the lack of motivation, the frustration and loss of patience with my kids,
the over excessive diving into my work online…

all the signs of depression form being overwhelmed.

and then I did it… I cancelled Bible study for this week.
Yes my kids schedules made me feel more overwhelmed with how to fit it all in one day
but if I would have brought it to the Lord he would have shown me a way, but i didn’t.
i took the route Satan had planned for me… the cop-out path.
friend it hurts me to admit I chose this path.
But I am hear to say i will not let Satan win this battle.
I will not let him take this away from me.

I am thankful and blessed to saved by such a protecting father.

I know that as I poor my heart out tonight and confess my sin that he is going to redeem me, he will forgive me and make me whole again.
He will restore the light that I was hiding from, he will place me back on the path he created for me. He will love just like he always has, I can do nothing to make him love me more or less.

Thank you friend for sitting here with me today,
Allowing me to share my heart with you.
I would like to ask something of you…
would you pray for me, pray for us, pray that we don’t let Satan control our thoughts and allow us to stray from the path.
okay another favor…
How can I pray for you? what is burdening you this week?
again, thank you friend for being there for me today.
Thank you for loving me just the way I am.

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)

 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’

if you need a refill please go visit my other coffee date friends..
 Alissa from  Rags to StitchesNatassia from Nat’s Knapsack,  Nay from Cover to cover and Faith from The Life of Faith     

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About Chrissy@thePEARLblog

Sinner turned saint. Lover of Jesus. DIY crafter. Mom of 3. Blogger. Friend. married to her high school sweetheart. I blogs to share about the things I love. My hope is that my love for crafting, Jesus, family, and food will inspire you to try something new. If you enjoy what you read, don’t forget to subscribe to my blog!

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