An open letter to pastors.. {by Amy from the Messy MIddle}

I came across a link on Facebook today that I had to share with you.
An open letter to pastors
I have included the post below as well….
Please head to her blog to read the part about the different types of mothers she wrote in this post as well.


Dear Pastor,
Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.
You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.
I set my can down and this is what I’d say.
A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.
Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.
Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.
Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.
  1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.
2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering. 
3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.
I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).
Warmly and in your corner,


This really opened my eyes to how others may be suffering each year on Mother’s Day. I know for me, although I have 3 healthy children, I feel completely unworthy of celebrating. I chose to not give life to not one but two babies. Why should I get special treatment? Why should anyone celebrate me for a whole day? Then I think of close friends who would do anything just to have one baby, and here I sit with 3. I am so thankful for a God that has forgiven me for making those awful choices. That He wiped my slate clean. I know that he blessed me with the children I have. I will continue to try and do my best to raise them the way He would have me raise them.

This mother’s day I want to wish you a day full of love. No matter what type of “Mom” you are.

Thanks Amy for sharing such a real post, one that speaks to all of us no matter where we are in life.

© 2012 – 2013, Chrissy@thePearlblog This post may contain affiliate links. Purchasing through them will help support this blog.. All rights reserved.

About Chrissy@thePEARLblog

Sinner turned saint. Lover of Jesus. DIY crafter. Mom of 3. Blogger. Friend. married to her high school sweetheart. I blogs to share about the things I love. My hope is that my love for crafting, Jesus, family, and food will inspire you to try something new. If you enjoy what you read, don’t forget to subscribe to my blog!

share your thoughts...